Almighty Creator, Sustainer, Righteous, Just, Sovereign Lord of Hosts – I believe this. I really do.

You are Perfection. There is no shadow of turning in You; You do not change. Your words prove true – over and over again. They can sound so – so – “other-worldly,” so high above me. And yet as I learn them, believe them, abide in them, walk according to them – they prove true.

And when I trust you – trust in you – rely upon you – throw myself upon you, who you have revealed yourself to be; what you have said you are; what you have proven to be in my own life – you surround me with favor like a shield. You become the cleft in the rock and I run to you; and I am safe, shielded.

The enemy’s darts come in fast, hot, sharp. Your shield holds. My refuge is secure.

BUT.

Not…”but God.” That’s always a comforting phrase. Instead, and so frequently, it’s “but…I.” I don’t feel safe. I don’t feel protected. I don’t feel the truth of his word. I don’t feel that God is perfect. Somehow he must have missed this situation. He’s absent here. Or worse, he doesn’t care. Or, even more horrifying – he can’t and won’t do anything about it.

My soul, my heart, twists and rips in anguish. I see my world, my people, my dear ones – me – suffer and struggle and hurt and choose stupidly, over and over again. And I watch the consequences fall. And I cry out, “But why, God? Where, God? When, God?”

The pain, the emptiness, the terror, the questions, are all too real.

But…God. In his love and grace, he brings me back, ever quicker, to the bedrock, the foundation of my very existence: “This God – his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; He is a shield to all those who take refuge in Him.”

And as I, once again, choose to believe; choose to obey; choose to surrender; choose to hold onto this perfect, proven, protective God, even in the midst of my tears, I am quieted with joy and peace and filled with praise.

Because he is worthy – and he is enough.







                                                 

                                                                                               

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